December 9, 2010


Dear Mom,

I can't sleep. The only thing I can do right now is cry. And miss you. And wish I could call you or walk downstairs and curl up next to you and vent about my friends, and my job, and losing my debit card at the mall tonight, and John's new work schedule that hardly leaves us any time together, and not feeling prepared for my international trip in 3.5 weeks. A wave of grief is crashing down on me, and I can't stay afloat. I feel helpless.

I may not have cried last week, but I knew these tears would come eventually.

I wish grief was a class I could drop or a team I could quit. I'm just so tired of living without you. It's too hard.

Please come back to me,


  1. Sending the biggest hug I can your way.

    You are so strong. I'm going through the same thing right now, Sami. I'm buried beneath a sea of paperwork, I haven't seen my closest friends in days, got bad news from the docs, and I'm feeling really crummy. All I want is to curl up next to Mitch and tell him everything that is wrong. I know it's tough, and I can't imagine fully what you're feeling. Just know that all of us care about you and send insane amounts of positive energy your way. You deserve nothing less.

    Right now everything seems incredibly hard. Almost UNBEARABLY hard. Stay the course. Things will look up. When the night gets dark enough, you can see the stars.

    "Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings while the dawn is still dark."

    P.S. It's okay to be sad. It needs to happen. That way, we can realize how wonderful happiness feels. Take care, Sami.

  2. 'Reach out for the joy and the sorrow. Put them away in your mind. The memories are times that you borrow, to spend when you get to tomorrow.. - Author Unknown
    Sami, please remember that you are loved. Your precious Mom knows and understands your sorrow.
    If there is anything I can do, you need only ask.
    Love Chez xo

  3. Sami,
    I am so sorry for your pain. I don't know if it will help, but remember you are not really living without your mom. She is still with you, just not in the physical sense. I know you want her in that sense too... love and hugs from someone who cares.

  4. Sami,
    I am sending cyber hugs. I know they're not as good as the real thing, but the warm, heartfelt love is still present in every single one of them.

    I'll share my mantra - one day at a time. I use that when I feel crummy or am in a slump because maybe tomorrow will be better.

    Here's hoping your tomorrow will be better.

  5. Sending hugs back to each of you. I finally fell asleep and was able to get out of bed without feeling too emotional or exhausted this morning. Thank you for always helping me see the light. I am comforted by the love and support of such great friends on these darkened days. xo