Today is Mother's Day. Despite my good intentions, of course I started crying completely unexpectedly right when I woke up this morning. It's just so bittersweet. I feel lucky to have known you, and I always will, but there's that part of me that will just remain sad. I'm sad that I will never buy you another sappy Mother's Day card or cheesy gift; I'm sad that I will slowly forget exactly how your voice sounded; I'm sad that you never got the chance to be one of those cool moms on Facebook, or own an iPhone, or watch the season finale of Survivor (and the new season too-- you would love it!).
I try to replace all of the "didn't's" and "couldn't's" and "will never's" with thoughts of all the things we did get to do together, and it gets easier to do so, but sometimes I still need to just let myself feel whatever the heck I want to-- and today I feel sad. And tearful. And cheated. And I just... well, I feel bad for myself.
A lot of my sadness used to come from feeling sad for you and the fact that you had to leave us all by yourself, but honestly, my guess is that Heaven kicks some serious butt and you aren't thinking twice about this place. Lucky. Angels probably don't have to shave their legs, purchase tampons, or struggle through hangovers (clearly listing the most important things in life here...). Angels live the best life-- a blessed life-- and experience the eternal life that the rest of us just dream about and hope for. I just know that, today, you are happy.
Hmm... you are happy. I haven't said or thought that in a while.
I think I just performed therapy on myself by accident. That was weird. There went the rest of my rant for the day.
You are happy.
And now so am I.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you so much.