March 26, 2015

Let's Make Like Heinz and Ketchup ( dum tisss!)

Dear Mom,

It's crazy to me that it's been almost two years since I've written those two words. It's also crazy to me just how much has changed in that time- how much I've changed. How happy I am. How we adopted a second dog so our first has a friend (and someone to play with so I can watch Grey's in peace obviously). How I met the girl I talked about two posts ago who lost her dad to cancer, and we've become the best of friends (I'll see her again in a month in NY!). How we bought a house a year ago. How my little green Turtle car you got me when I was 16 barely putted into the dealership when I upgraded for a Subaru last year at 26. How I cooked my first Thanksgiving turkey that Dad and TW drove 8 hours to eat (and it wasn't dry, but it did take 3 more hours than I thought). How I've picked up freelancing work in addition to my full-time job like I've always wanted. How much my dreams are coming true. How weird it was that yesterday I had a sudden urge to call you on my drive home. It's all freaking crazy.

It's been 7 years, 3 months, and 24 days since you said goodbye to me. I can't really explain where I am with that. Some days I talk about you like those memories just happened yesterday, and other days I feel like I dreamed you up. It's complicated. I don't even recognize myself in some moments as I read through old posts. I went through that? How did I get through that? I want to hug that girl. I am so much stronger now, I can't even begin to tell you.

Mini version? I've stopped giving a shit, but in the best of ways. I used to need everyone to like me and want to be my friend, but now I just am who I am and let people accept that as they wish. Or not. Like I said, no shits to give. I stand up for myself. I wish I had the time or the energy to find every a-hole that walked all over me while I was grieving and verbally rip them a new one. If I gave any shits, the first person I'd have some words with would be this one person I dated, who shall remain nameless, that once got upset with me that my phone rang in the middle of the night (it was a friend, a FRIEND, who talked me through my tough times and nothing more, mind you, that was calling to catch up on a Friday night). I tried explaining this, when he cut me off to say, "Don't use your mom's death as an excuse to be a SLUT." Really? Do you kiss YOUR mom with that mouth? It took me another year to come to my senses and dump his ass. Oh, and according to some Facebook investigative research, he is still single. And miserable. And getting old. Alone. This little slut classy broad would like to know what karma feels like, ya big JERK.

Anyway, I digress!

Clearly, it's been a whirlwind. But I'm better for it. I'm stronger for it. I miss you every day, but I'm in a good place- a great place. I feel like I'm finally coming to be the person I was meant to; a person you'd be proud of. And I know you're watching every minute. Stay tuned. :)

I love you,