February 9, 2011

Ohhh No You Di'nt! (insert finger snap here)

Dear Mom,

I haven't written in a week, but for a valid reason. This has been my life: work til 5, edit video, work til 5, edit video, work til 5, edit video. And, if I'm lucky, I get to squeeze in some time to sleep or communicate with other humans outside of my office.

Today is simply just one of those days. A day when my alarm never went off because I was so tired the night before that I accidentally set it for 6:30PM; when my roommate mistakenly put her muddy, slush-covered boots on my nice winter hat that was drying on the entry way floor; when my car was an impenetrable frozen forcefield; when I noticed just how loudly my co-worker stomps down the hallway; when no one can do anything right to please me, and the fact that they keep trying is even more annoying.

Oh yes, it's one of those days.

I'm exhausted. And aggravated. And pouty. And acting like I'm 3 rather than 23. And I hate it more than anything because, on days like this, I really just want my mommy... but I'm never going to have you again.

Why does it have to be one of those days?



  1. It wasn't long ago (last week, I think) that I had the same urge to call my Mom after a really stinky day. Usually I would call her everyday on my drive home from work. It sucks to know that I can't anymore.
    Big Hug to You!!

  2. I still do that too sometimes, but then reality hits and I remember why I can't. I still try to remember in those moments how lucky I was that she was at least around long enough to get me through many stinky days and to make the great days even better. But sometimes, like today, it's hard to remember that! I am feeling a little happier this afternoon at least :-) Thanks Renee.

  3. Deep breath, Sami. I completely get the "those days" vibe. Feeling one myself. We love ya. Keep trucking. You are wonderful. Cut yourself some slack... it's allowed to be one of those days.

  4. Sami, Your plate is so full right now, I'm sure you are feeling a bit overwhelmed. Those are exactly the times you undoubtedly miss your mom the most. Sadly, those days/moments never stop coming. I've been overwhelmed myself many times this last year and I still want my mom! Remember you do still have her, just in a different way. That's what I tell myself anyway. Get some rest, that always helps!

  5. Thanks Carly, for always somehow knowing just what to say :-) XOXO


    Nancy, I took a break from my video last night to relax, watch my favorite show, and catch up on some sleep. I felt SO much better in the morning that I actually got up to work out rather than repeatedly hitting snooze :-) Sleep was juuust what the doctor ordered!

  6. Just recently found your blog - and it is truly wonderful! My Mom passed away from Ovarian Cancer (after fighting 7+ years) June-2010 and I am having one of THOSE days today... I just want to talk with her, hear her voice, hear her advise, hear her!
    HUGS to you!

  7. Sami,

    I recently stumbled on to your blog and have been checking in periodically. Your writing is excellent and so much of what you say are things that I feel as well. My mom died this past October from metastatic breast cancer. My relationship with my mom sounds so similar to your own. I really appreciate that you are sharing your thoughts because it has helped me to realize that I am not alone. I really enjoyed your smile topic. It has helped me immensely to keep some sort of relationship/connection with my mom. I do that now by being sensitive to unexpected gifts that let me know that she is still with me. In the last few days that mom was still with us I told her that I knew with all my heart that she would be with me always. I continued to tell her that her mom (my grandma who passed away 20+ yrs ago) would be watching over one shoulder supporting me and that she would be over the other. She replied with a simple 'I will' so I know that she is there whenever I hear a song that reminds me of her or see a rainbow around the moon on a clear night. Gawsh, I totally understand when 'those days' hit. I had recently lost my car keys and in a panic I thought I would call the dealer to see about getting a second set made. I had to look in the file box to get the number for the dealer and when I opened the lid my mom's death certificate was laying on top, it had yet to be filed. That was all it took to send me into one of 'my cleansing cries" where the sadness washes over me and the tears flow freely. I was so frustrated and would have given anything to hear my mom say 'don't worry sweetie girl, you will find them.' I am so thankful to have found your blog. We share (unfortunately) in our grief, but it has helped me to know that I am not the only one to have lost someone so special and important. I feel so lucky everyday that I had/have the mother that I did/do because she developed me into what I am today. So many people who knew my mother tell me that not only do I look like her but I have the same mannerisms and caring demeanor that she did. I feel so strongly that she will live on through me and guide me (in my spiritual connection with her) in this next chapter of my life.

    Sending you support from under 3' of snow in Alaska,

  8. DC, I'm so happy you found me. I hope I've been able to help you out in even the least bit. I think THOSE days will come around less and less, but will still remain to be more and more of a reminder of how wonderful our moms were and how big of an impact they have made on our lives (and continue to).


    Diana, WOW. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cried reading your words and sent them to my family and closest friends immediately because I was so honored. What you had to say is exactly the reason why I started this blog. Thank you for taking the time to share your feelings and thoughts with me, it honestly means the world to me and was a HUGE pick-me-up. THANK YOU!