There is a battle going on between my mind and my body, and-- surprise, surprise!-- my mind is winning. I know you're supposed to "listen to your body" to know when something is wrong with it, but my head is stronger lately.
It all started because I'm having a weird, pressure-like feeling off and on in my pelvis. It's off when I'm doing things like watching a movie, talking on the phone, or finishing a project at work, and it's on when I read about the declining health of a blogging buddy or when I start worrying about my own health. So is this pain in my head? Possibly. But I just can't risk it.
After weeks of paranoia, I read Dee's blog post and decided to finally call my doctor's office to make an appointment to see Dr. S. Her next opening is on the 25th, so I have two weeks until I sit awkwardly in a johnny that's made for a 300 pound giant on the loud, crinkly paper that covers the examination table in front of the very same woman that told you you had ovarian cancer. How exciting! But at least I took the step and made the appointment. No matter the outcome, it's a step in the right direction and one appointment closer to a healthier body-- and mind. Both are equally important!
Writing an e-mail to Carly later this morning caused me to break into sobs at work. Oh yes, AT WORK. Good thing that's not at all embarassing. Luckily, it was only me and my fabulous third-mom-esque coworker there, and she let me pour my guts out to her. I think it's no coincidence that somehow the right person always shows up in my life at just the right second I need them. After having one of those days this week that somehow didn't force me into a fit of tears, I knew I was bound to let them out eventually. I mean, I could have done without it happening between the work hours of 8-5, but it was a much needed, healthy cry all the same. Afterward, I was able to compose myself and finish my e-mail to Carly.
Besides the fact that I was writing to her about your final moments on Earth, I think what made me finally have the breakdown that I needed stemmed from the friendship that has flourished between her and me. I feel like I can tell her absolutely anything, and I have. If it weren't for our friendship and constant exchange of e-mails (or great American novels, as we call them), I wouldn't have felt comfortable enough to share those stories, cry those tears, and ultimately end my day absolutely beaming. I am so thankful to her.
So, along with my morning breakfast, I had a cup of tears, and it made me realize one thing...
Milk isn't the only thing that does a body good!