Dear Mom,
This weekend made me realize just how much of a real community I am now a part of. I know it seems silly that I consider my fellow blogging companions my 'friends', but they truly are, in every sense of the word.
When I first started my blog, it was Chez who contacted me with an idea on how else I could honor your memory; when I was hurt by a comment someone annonymously left me here, I immediately deleted it and e-mailed Nancy for advice; and when I learned that Daria, a blogger I have followed since the summer, passed away from breast cancer on Saturday, Carly's inbox was instantly flooded with an overly-emotional message from yours truly. These people, among others, have quickly woven their way into a huge part of my every day life, and I am so thankful for each moment they are a part of it.
Over the past few days, I have seen numerous posts acknowledging the heartache and sadness that has overtaken many of my blog friends' hearts after discovering that Daria had died. I guess I never really thought about the fact that we not only read each other's blogs, but follow the same blogs as well, making us even more interconnected.
While I commented on Daria's blog half a dozen times or more, she never wrote on (or maybe never even read) mine. It always confused me. Did she not find my life's story interesting? Did she think I was too young to befriend? No matter the reason, I became addicted to her journey with cancer and hung on to every word each week.
It wasn't until Daria's husband posted that she would no longer be able to write on her blog herself that I finally had an epiphany-- Daria may not have wanted to know my story. And I can't say I blame her. Maybe she didn't want to read about the struggles of a child trying to carry on without her mother or the recollections of the toll that death took on a family. My blog is really the epitome of every cancer patient's worst nightmare: that there's a chance they might not beat it; that there's a chance their loved ones will be left to pick up the pieces of their shattered hearts. I am the constant reminder to mothers with cancer of the heartache and emptiness their children will feel if they are forced to say goodbye. Sometimes I don't even want to know me, so why would they?
This realization made my head spin. How can any of my closest blog friends even read some of the things I say? I will never fully understand why or how they find the strength to be a friend to me. Even on my weakest days, that's when they send the most heartfelt messages. They put aside their fears and worries for me, a person who just a few months ago was a complete stranger.
These women are nothing short of a gift, and something tells me I know exactly who sent them. Thank you, Mom.
Take good care of Daria.
I love you,
Sami
While I agree that leaving my children to carry on without me is one of my biggest fears, I look forward to reading your blogs. You're a strong, courageous, honest and honourable young woman. I know my kids (who are quite a bit younger) will grieve and have to find their own ways to pick up the pieces. But I hope they're at least a little bit like you.
ReplyDeleteI too am touched deeply by my blog friends and I'm happy to consider you one.
Wow. Thank you so, so much Tina. To hear that you hope your kids are at least a little like me is one of the greatest compliments I have ever/will ever receive. I am honored and thankful to you know you xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteSami, Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm truly touched. This blogging community really is amazing isn't it? We are all so connected, sometimes even more than we realilze. I am so happy to be your friend and I just know you will continue to accomplish amazing things. Daria never read my blog either, or I guess maybe she did and just didn't comment, I don't know. If you look at her extensive blog roll list, she probably just didn't have time or energy to actually read them all! Or maybe she did, we just didn't know it. You are a gift too, Sami.
ReplyDeleteSami, my AMAZING blog friend,
ReplyDeleteYou are a tremendously inspiring person, and the fact that you write what you write is so meaningful to me. I'm almost 22. I have cancer. Sugar coating things doesn't work for me. You know what DOES work? Reading the blog of an amazing friend who is struggling but opening up her heart to others and the world. I feel so incredibly blessed to be your friend, and I hope you realize how every word you write makes me feel... comforted, cared for, and UNDERSTOOD. To think that 15 months ago I felt so alone is crazy. Now, I know I have a community of supporters, with you as my virtual welcoming committee. You never fail to bring a smile to my face and make me feel like a superhero. Thank you for all that you said, and all you continue to do for me. Love ya, girlie. :-)
XOXOXO
I'm not even sure how I came across your blog, but I am going to follow you now. I'm just a year and 1 month from losing my mother and father (2 days apart, just before my husband deployed). I'm still dealing. I'm looking forward to reading your story.
ReplyDeleteSami, this post is definitely a 'tear jerker' for me. Blogging the place from which we gain acceptance, strength, love and understanding.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there will always be some that choose to spoil our 'party!!!!!' Must be dreadful to have a heart that would even think to write a hurtful comment on the blog of a daughter grieving the loss of a much loved Mother. The fact that the comment was anon tells me that they lack courage and substance. Anyone that stands behind anonymity is not worth worrying about.
What are the words to that song 'I'll get by with a little help from my friends?'
I too know there will come a time that my children, and grandchildren, will be witness to my passing. Hopefully, they will have learnt the lessons I have endeavoured to so lovingly teach them.
Thank you Sami, for your presence in my life. I know your Mom is so very proud of you Chez xo
This is a great post. 'blog' friends are exactly that: friends! In many ways we have more in common with these 'used to be strangers' than we do with our own 'real life' friends.
ReplyDeleteYour story has touched me beyond measure. I like reading the posts and I hope you continue for a long time, it helps us too :)
and insensitive comments DO happen, but they don't usually happen often - chin up if that happens again, and just hit 'delete' with gusto!
Hugs from Canada's wet west coast,
Michelle