You Know You're Better Off Single When...

Dear Mom,

Despite popular belief I'm sure, I do still think about my blog daily and posts continue to formulate in my head variously throughout the week, but instead of writing about my life, I'm just plain living (and loving) it. Since my new discovery of the single life and its highs and lows, I have learned a tremendous amount about myself... and the losers that are currently on the market.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

But seriously.

Losers.

But it's fine that I have yet to stumble across a real winner because, as you may recall, I am on a path to self discovery during this single period in my life (yaaawn... is it over yet?!). My old boyfriends used to score big brownie points based simply off how they interacted with you. You were a smooth talking, fiesty little son of a gun, and if a guy could hang with you and keep you laughing, he certainly had my approval. Now that that option is no longer, I am making my own judgement calls (and by 'my own', I mean plus Dad, Tom, Gisele, and many friends' approvals... totally my own though...). Let me tell you Mother Dearest, these boys are making it quite easy for me to head for the hills and preferably another planet all together. I'm either getting really good at picking out the good ones from the bad, or you're playing a really cruel trick on me to make me think that's the case. Either way, for your weekend entertainment, please enjoy a good laugh at my expense:

You Know You're Better Off Single When....

1. He doesn't want to meet your friends, and his reasoning is because he's afraid they will want to hook up with him and you'll start a cat-fight with them in public.

2. He takes the bun off his cheeseburger to avoid the extra calories while you're already wolfing down burger #2, bread and all, with extra cheese.

3. He randomly develops a British accent in mid conversation... yet he's American.

4. He thinks you didn't see his phone light up from a text message before he nonchalantly sneaks it into his pocket and "goes pee" in the bathroom repeatedly throughout your visit.

5. He sees a bug crawling around your apartment, immediately runs to get a paper towel... and then hands it to you.

6. He tells you he's been too busy to talk, you reply 'but honestly, if a person wanted to talk to someone they would find the time', and he responds, 'yeah, I guess that's true actually!'. Awkward.

7. He tells you his dad is an alcoholic... while he's drunk.

8. How 'difficult' his life has been and how hard he's had to work for all he has comes up at least a half dozen times a day (maybe I should send him my blog link or any of my friends with cancer's blogs-- hello, perspective! Move over Debbie Downer, there's a new kid in town).

Okay Mom, seriously, joke's over.

On to the next! Pick me out a keeper, please. This is getting a little ridiculous!

Love,
Sami